the return of Furby

I feel like I'm stuck in a really bad horror movie sequel, where the monster you thought you had destroyed, comes back for a final kick at the cat; this time, to finish what it started. After 14 years of suddenly disappearing from the shelves of local toy stores and hands of innocent children, Furby is back and more bloodthirsty/creepier than ever.

That's right folks, the furry little guy you taught to say dirty words in the privacy of your childhood bedroom, has returned as more "robotized, with more sensors and eyes that are lit up LSD screens". AKA MORE CAPABLE OF KILLING YOU BRUTALLY IN YOUR SLEEP. Okay, I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks Furby's are demonic toys possessed by the soul of Satan to kill us all. I mean, isn't it just OBVIOUS?! I'm not the only one who can see this right? Growing up I obviously had a Furby. Who didn't? There are two things about my Furby that stick out in my mind now: 

What the hell did I do with it? I don't remember what Furby's are even FOR. More proof on how they are just BRAINWASHING THE WORLD WITH THEIR FURBY JIBBERISH.

WHERE THE HELL IS MY FURBY? Seriously, you guys, where is my Furby now? Where is YOUR Furby now? Where did Furby's disappear to at the height of their fame? One day he/she (do we really even know what gender?????) is there and the next POOF. Gone. I don't know. Maybe I just have a really bad memory. If anyone still has their Furby, don't tell me. It'll ruin my theory that they realized they were found out and went into hiding until they were updated into high tech killing machines. "It's 9PM, do you know where your Furby is?"

And keeping with the Poltergeist gif above, everytime I think of Furby, I think of this playing as they rampage through the town, pillaging and butchering the little children who once held them so dear to their hearts (sorry):

So sweet, so innocent...so deadly. 

If I haven't yet convinced you of the Furby's master plan, maybe this will help,

But I mean like, I'm still getting one. GO BUY YOUR NEW FURBY TODAY!

Click this video to see an unsuspecting man pitch the new Furby as it convulses on the ground and rolls its eyes into the back of its head and oh yeah there's still NO OFF SWITCH ON THIS THING. He won't be laughing later.