So I'm just going to write this as fast as I can because I figured it was due time that I posted something on here. Even though this has and will have no significance on your life, I feel like just putting this out into the Universe, you know? Are you supposed to capitalize the "u" in Universe? Kind of like how you capitalize the "g" in God? No wait, I think that's just because that's a name, and you do that with names. Unless you're like high school me and you sign your name in lower case letters at the top of every god damn (sorry, *God damn) assignment because it was "unique". So anyway, like I was saying, I was in the bathroom, because thats where I do all my thinking- not like when I'm actually
going to the bathroom or whatever ha ha gross, but mostly when I'm just standing there staring at myself in the mirror, contemplating the endless black hole that is my life- and I was like, "Are you supposed to capitalize the "u" in Universe?" And here we are. Here I am, really. There was someone here a minute ago but they left. People always leave and you're always stuck standing in front of a mirror staring at yourself wondering about the Universe. It's sad. Want to know what else is sad? I spilled an unidentified liquid on my keyboard and now the keys "g", "h", 5, 6, and 7 are super hard to press down so when I said I was going to write this as fast as I could that really translates into me typing a lot of words with "g" and "h" and then having to go back and add "g" and "h" into every word requiring "g" and "h" because I didn't slam my entire face into them, which is the amount of pressure they need in order to actually work. So this is taking longer than expected, whatever "this" is. I figure since it's been so long since I've posted that maybe no one will actually read this and I would have been better off writing this in my diary. I'm 11 years old and I have a diary. But I don't use that either, so, here we are again. This is sort of therapeutic, actually. Maybe I'll write more frequently! Maybe I'll become a writer! I'll go back to school and take a lot of writing courses because I took Honors English all throughout high school and it's practically the same thing, right?? Right? Although I didn't exactly enjoy Honors English; the semantics of it all. I love a good book though. I could read books forever... if I had an actual attention span. I have this unhealthy habit of starting a book and stopping halfway, and then starting another that catches my eye or is more shiiiinyyyyyy. Although I am reading one right now that I believe I'll finish before the apocalypse. It's called "One More Thing" by B.J. Novak, that tiny dude from the Office that sported frosted tips for a necessary period of time. He was also a writer for the show, and a damn good one, and his talent shines brighter than his bleached locks in this book. It's all a series of short stories ranging from two lines to twenty pages and it's the kind of writing that makes you go: "Ha" and "Hmmmmm" and "HA" and "HahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAH whoops sorry imaginary significant other, didn't mean to wake you from laughing at this hysterical yet heart breaking debut novel", and also "Hey, I could write stuff like this or whatever or something!" So, here we are again again. I don't know why we always come back here, we should really find a new spot. Relationships are all about taking chances! We need to spice it up! What about IHOP? Alright, it's time to wrap this up if it's taking a turn for imaginary romantic scenarios with whoever is reading this. Unless, you want to? You're right, sorry. Talk to you the next time I feel the need to blog vomit. Or when I'm in the bathroom and I've stared deep into the window of my soul which is my bathroom mirror and thought about my fears and the inevitability of death and ok fine this is the stuff I come up with when I'm taking a shit. It's good though, right?
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