April 01, 2015

april cools

here's another monthly playlist and tbh i think it's my best yet like take a god dang LISTEN to this you guys. set aside some time, put this playlist on and go for a long ass walk in the forest or down a busy street where all you can hear is the music. this is all i've been listening to and it rules. enjoy the first day of april FEELIN'. VERY. COOL. speaking of april i also just uploaded a new video to my channel so you can watch that here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGfyHhlwZwg


 

March 31, 2015

lemme update ya

    In the time since I've last posted I can assure you I've stayed the exact same. But at least I'm being consistent, right? Consistency is key. I made a banana smoothie tonight and it was a really great consistency and I thought to myself "consistency is key" so that's why I said that. It's true.
    I've been listening to a lot of classic rock lately. A lot of Styx. Basically just Styx. I think it's because I miss my father or the father I wish I had. I wish Dennis DeYoung was my dad Glen Burtnik can fuck right off. Real dad if you read this, where are you? I'd love to meet you some day and ditch Glen Burtnik once and for all.
    I went on a run today this is not an April Fool's joke I'm probably going to do it again on April Fool's day which also won't be a joke. I never joke about exercise. Mostly because I don't like talking about it in general; makes me feel weird and I don't understand any of it. Also, I've been enjoying eating very clean, green and jumbleen even though last week I made a video in which I professed my love for binge eating Cool Ranch Doritos (this blog post is sponsored by Doritoes and I'm getting paid a lot of money to write it sry that's why it;s so professional :P) so I will probably continue eating healthy and nice so I can look healthy and nice for my roommate and her boyfriend. Speaking of videos I recently surpassed 25,000 subscribers on YouTube and all I can say about that is WOW!! About fucking time. Jesus. Anyway I decided I love my dad, Glen Burtnik, again.
    Hmmmm, what else... Each night before I fall asleep I go through how I would murder my upstairs neighbours? Nah, that's boring you don't want to hear about that. You want to hear about my dad again? My father papa? Papa, can you hear me? I love my Barbara mom. I've always wished I was Jewish that's probably the most serious thing I've ever said.
    I check my phone 98% of the day and I'm getting kind of worried for myself but your consistent fav's and RT's get me through the day. Popularity is key. Consistency isn't key anymore. Remember that.
    Think I might take up rapping soon.
    My brother and his girlfriend are my only friends but that's ok because there are a lot of people here and I just remembered I don't really like people in quantities. Quan Titties. Asian kitties. That meant to say titties but my laptop did NOT like that one, lemme tell ya. Anyhootie and the blowfish, that's about it for now!! When I think of other things to say I'll get back to you because that's what the internet is for.
    Night night, Grammy!

January 20, 2015

yes i VAN

that title made more sense in my head. like yes i CAN because i just moved out of my cozy, loving, secure house away from my parents to VANcouver and i need constant validation or else i'll cry haha ok you're right it's not funny when you have to explain it. after living on my own COMPLETELY WITHOUT A ROOMMATE TOTALLY ALONE HERE (ok i have a roommate but she won't come out of her room to dance even though i hummed really loud whitney houston's "i wanna dance with somebody" and A GOOD ROOMMATE WOULD NOTICE AND DO THE FREAKIN' SHIMMY. but anyways she's like a scholar, or whatever. so it's just me. we're lucky we got a place that's pet friendly or else what the hell would i do. because i'm a dog remember) i've noticed 5 things. yes 5. i just decided now that there will be five. i also just noticed these things.

  1. food is expensive af so cut your tomatoes as thinly as possible to save food. like so thin. so thin you cut air and you're not actually cutting your tomato and then when you think you need to grocery shopping you remember, wait i totally have that tomato i pretended to eat!! SCORE!! then you die of malnutrition
  2. LISTEN. i get it. you LOVE PLAYING WITH YOUR KIDS YOU'RE AN AWESOME, LOVING FAMILY. but HOW ABOUT just HOW ABOUT put on a pair of GOD DAMN SLIPPERS WHEN YOU RUN AROUND YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE ABOVE ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO RE-WATCH DAWSON'S CREEK. or MAYBE get your kid a BOOK OR SOMETHING NORMAL AND STOP ALLOWING HIM TO PLAY WITH MARBLES so he stops dropping them on your HARDWOOD floor. first of all this isn't 1923 and secondly HELLO CHOKING HAZARD WOW ACTUALLY YOU WEREN'T THE PARENTS I THOUGHT YOU WERE YOU DISGUST ME.  also he one of your kids sounds like he's actually dying up there etc etc
  3. note to self: even though you love dogs unnaturally, it doesn't mean you will get a job walking and petting them. but i will keep trying
  4. oh i will keep trying
  5. legs are cool and good for walking?? like everywhere. gonna be so jacked after this full meal of air and walking literally 2342 miles
tomorrow is basically my OFFICIAL full week of living independently and i can safely say that wine is FINE after like a week or so of opening it and rice crisps for every meal IS a well balanced diet.

also here is me yesterday

also here is me a minute ago

also here is me in REAL TIME MODE 
video

so (club) life's (going) looking up