yes i VAN

that title made more sense in my head. like yes i CAN because i just moved out of my cozy, loving, secure house away from my parents to VANcouver and i need constant validation or else i'll cry haha ok you're right it's not funny when you have to explain it. after living on my own COMPLETELY WITHOUT A ROOMMATE TOTALLY ALONE HERE (ok i have a roommate but she won't come out of her room to dance even though i hummed really loud whitney houston's "i wanna dance with somebody" and A GOOD ROOMMATE WOULD NOTICE AND DO THE FREAKIN' SHIMMY. but anyways she's like a scholar, or whatever. so it's just me. we're lucky we got a place that's pet friendly or else what the hell would i do. because i'm a dog remember) i've noticed 5 things. yes 5. i just decided now that there will be five. i also just noticed these things.

1. food is expensive af so cut your tomatoes as thinly as possible to save food. like so thin. so thin you cut air and you're not actually cutting your tomato and then when you think you need to grocery shopping you remember, wait i totally have that tomato i pretended to eat!! SCORE!! then you die of malnutrition
2. LISTEN. i get it. you LOVE PLAYING WITH YOUR KIDS YOU'RE AN AWESOME, LOVING FAMILY. but HOW ABOUT just HOW ABOUT put on a pair of GOD DAMN SLIPPERS WHEN YOU RUN AROUND YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE ABOVE ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO RE-WATCH DAWSON'S CREEK. or MAYBE get your kid a BOOK OR SOMETHING NORMAL AND STOP ALLOWING HIM TO PLAY WITH MARBLES so he stops dropping them on your HARDWOOD floor. first of all this isn't 1923 and secondly HELLO CHOKING HAZARD WOW ACTUALLY YOU WEREN'T THE PARENTS I THOUGHT YOU WERE YOU DISGUST ME.  also he one of your kids sounds like he's actually dying up there etc etc
3. note to self: even though you love dogs unnaturally, it doesn't mean you will get a job walking and petting them. but i will keep trying
4. oh i will keep trying
5. legs are cool and good for walking?? like everywhere. gonna be so jacked after this full meal of air and walking literally 2342 miles

tomorrow is basically my OFFICIAL full week of living independently and i can safely say that wine is FINE after like a week or so of opening it and rice crisps for every meal IS a well balanced diet.

also here is me yesterday

also here is me a minute ago

also here is me in REAL TIME MODE 

so (club) life's (going) looking up